Nobody's Business
The late author and motivational speaker Dr. Wayne Dyer said, "What other people think of me is none of my business.” I used to think this may be true, but oh, so much easier said than done. When I was younger, other people’s opinions could rule the day. I was taught how important it was to make a good first impression and the goal was to improve upon it. That ideal formed both my work ethic, and my people pleasing tendencies. When I was younger, I thought what other people thought of me was very much my business, but as I age, I find myself leaning into Dr. Dyer’s wisdom.
The fear of other people’s opinions has kept me from trying too many things but now, time is running short. If I am to really accomplish my goals, I must be willing to turn a deaf ear to naysayers and simply forge ahead.
One of the greatest gifts of aging is an acquired self-assurance. Some might argue that it is not so much confidence as it is simply apathy. The older some get, the less they seem to care. I wondered how old one had to be to get to that stage, and it seems to vary., but we all probably know or have known someone who crossed over the “who cares” line. The outspoken aunt, or the old guy down the street who simply does and says whatever they think, and we all can take it or leave it. Little time can be wasted on the judgments of others. I revel at those “of a certain age” who just do not care in the least how they are perceived.
The epitome of that attitude is illustrated in a poem titled “Warning” written by the English poet, Jenny Joseph that reads:
When I am an old woman I shall wear purpleWith a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer glovesAnd satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tiredAnd gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bellsAnd run my stick along the public railingsAnd make up for the sobriety of my youth.I shall go out in my slippers in the rainAnd pick flowers in other people’s gardensAnd learn to spit.
You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fatAnd eat three pounds of sausages at a goOr only bread and pickle for a weekAnd hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.
But now we must have clothes that keep us dryAnd pay our rent and not swear in the streetAnd set a good example for the children.We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practice a little now?So people who know me are not too shocked and surprisedWhen suddenly I am old and start to wear purple.
The poem and the idea of putting societal expectations aside and simply living each day to the fullest sounded incredibly appealing to throngs of women. In fact, an entire community of women took this piece of literature to heart and in 1998 The Red Hat Society was born! The international social organization spawned chapters around the globe with the purpose of helping women enjoy life at any stage! Though I am not a member, I do love the concept.
It is a shame it takes so much time to be so indifferent to the sentiments of others.
Among the many benefits of being the age I am now, is that I grew up without the internet, without a cell phone, without 24/7 coverage of every step I took.
When I made mistakes, there were few witnesses. Nowadays, I can thank poor memories and a lack of evidence to help me dispute any undesirable rumors from my youth.
When I was bullied at school, I lived for the three o’clock bell and the ensuing seventeen plus hours of respite that followed. Not so for my kids, and certainly not so for the next generations.
Today’s youth are bombarded with relentless feedback and judgement, no matter the time of day or day of the week. Media pressure to look a certain way and to attain incredible wealth and celebrity starts so early and it is all about what other people think! How many likes, how many views, etc.
And having a screen in front of their faces begins long before they can walk! Of course, they care—it is a system based on approval and voyeurism, as their social media platforms fill with those achieving internet greatness, seeking followers, and working to “go viral.”
How can they possibly keep up? How can they keep from caring? And how are they to know what is real?
Today we cannot easily discern reality from artificial intelligence. Truth from lies. A picture tells a thousand stories but can now be manipulated to fit any narrative. To say it is a scary time is an understatement.
In today’s world, it is not only moving beyond caring about what other people think but also moving beyond whether that opinion is even reality based.
Both fear of failure and how I will be perceived has kept me from stepping too far out on any ledge. My “give a dang” breaks every now and then and I find myself attempting to “dance like nobody’s watching”! (While understanding they are watching and hoping they approve.) I have a way to go!
I admire those who “put themselves out there,” who have managed to get beyond what others think and who just do the thing they love or say exactly what they think, whatever the outcome.
I am getting closer, but I am not quite there yet, though I do have my eye on a red hat…and a purple dress!
xo, Hollie
