Is Love All We Need
It is such an interesting time to be alive. This past month has only illuminated the unique times in which we find ourselves. I have been working hard not to spiral into despair as our country appears to be as divided as I can remember. It may have felt like this in 1861 but here we are over 160 years later and still trying to focus on what unites us, rather than divides us, as a nation.
Those who love me remind me to bring my concerns in a bit and to focus on my community and if that is too difficult, to stay focused on my “pod” i.e., my circle of influence such as my family and friends. And even then, there are issues.
My husband and I have been married for nearly 23 years and have known each other for 29. When we first met, he was an openly conservative business owner, listening to right wing talk radio hosts daily. I was not.
I wore peace sign earrings and peasant skirts, vehemently believing “all you need is love”.
Somehow, we found a balance and decades into our relationship have had some influence on one another. I found some reason in fiscal conservation. He found some humanitarian causes worthy of time and resources.
We have survived the trials and tribulations of raising seven children together – they are as diverse as one can imagine – a little bit of each of our values showing up in each of them.
In recent times we managed to survive a tumultuous run of difficult politics, a pandemic, and a financial crisis. At some point, I think we were expecting life to get easier, but that does not appear to be on the horizon.
The last four years have been incredibly challenging. The divide is real and as it snaked its way across the country, it found its way into the idyllic community we call home. Its tentacles wrapped around family members and into our friendship circles. Where we once felt inclusive, we now find ourselves avoiding certain public situations, boycotting certain eating establishments and saying no thank you to more and more social invitations. Because I am not one to address conflict if it can be avoided, I avoid it.
As a couple, we find ourselves at odds much more often than we ever have and must dig deep to keep from making each other wrong – no easy task. We have had little success swaying one another to one side of the aisle over the other and are clinging to our common beliefs to help us tolerate our differences.
When we were dating and our relationship was all shiny and new, I think we were more open to hearing what the other had to say. His point of view was new and interesting, and I was much more easily influenced. I think he was more attentive and interested in my opinion as well. Over a quarter of a century later, things have changed!!
We are now facing increasing tension around the upcoming election. It’s not quite August and I can hardly see how we are going to get through these next four months. The endless news cycles full of both information and misinformation do not help! Again, we differ in our approach. My head, while not completely buried in the sand, is only looking up now and again to make sure a typhoon is not heading my way. My spouse, on the other hand, is consuming as much “news” both the fiction and the factual, as he can find. I don’t think either approach is healthy, but we have somehow come to an agreement that whatever it takes to get us through is an individual decision.
What I believe to be true is that our focus needs to be on the things that brought us together. Our shared beliefs rather than where we differ. Our common goals. Our deep abiding love for each other has to be the foundation and the focus.
And as it is true of this relationship, I think it is true for this community and for this country. Time and time again, I have heard people say that when there is a crisis, we come together as human beings. I am not looking for a major disaster to prove this point. I am hoping we can collectively find our way to accepting our differences and letting our shared human experiences be enough to bring us all together.
I don’t think I am alone in the assumptions I am making here. I truly believe we all want what is best for our families. We are all looking for a soft place to land. We want to be able to afford a reasonable lifestyle. We want affordable access to healthcare. We want a place to call home. I saw a sign that said “equal rights for others does not mean less rights for you. It’s not pie”. I could not agree more.
It's a difficult time and more than ever, we need to find a way to come together. We do have more in common than we have differences. Maybe, all we need is love, after all.
xo, Hollie
